Page 1: The Mouse
<B>Intro</B>:
For the past month, I've been testing the "Cordless Click!" wireless optical mouse from industry mainstay Logitech. Yes, you read right: I've been testing a stinkin' MOUSE for about 5 whole weeks now. But, at last, I feel I'm ready to spill the news and tell you if this is a mouse worth checking out, or if it's a mouse that deserves to be fed to your pet python. (Get it? Computer nerds have weird pets. But of course, you already knew that.) You see, Aron, our Webmaster here at ASE, was under the assumption that I was actually just too LAZY to write the review in a timely manner. But, as you all know by now, my standards are much higher than his. For example: I wear silk designer boxer shorts, while he wears a paper sack with 2 holes cut in the bottom. I eat filet mignon, he eats the lard stuck to bottom of McDonald's dumpsters. I drive an actual CAR, he gets around in a shopping cart with the word CAR written on the side while making engine noises. You get the idea. I refuse to rush judgment on any of the computer products I review. Let's face it, I CARE. Yeah, that's it. I'm the reviewer who CARES. Aron cares too, but he never spent a whole month reviewing a mouse, did he? Hmmm?
Ok, so I'm full of crap. I WAS too lazy to write the review until tonight. But I HAVE really been using this mouse for a month, so it's probably for the better: I got a pretty clear picture as to what this mouse is all about in all that time. So strap yourself into that computer chair/fart catcher of yours, and prepare yourself for the most exciting computer product review since Aron reviewed those dopey case fans with lights on them. (Man, that was epic, wasn't it? Or did I make that up? I can't remember anymore. What was I supposed to be reviewing again? Pierogies or something? Mmm, Pierogies....)
<B>Stuff</B>:
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Ah yes, that's right. I'm reviewing the Cordless Click! Mouse from Logitech: a company I've had immense respect for since they first started out. I've bought many joysticks, gamepads, webcams, dildos, and mice with the Logitech name on em over the years, and I've never regretted my purchases. In a nutshell, Logitech doesn't make crap. Hey, that would be a great new slogan. "AT LOGITECH, WE DON'T MAKE CRAP!" Go ahead, Logitech, you can steal that idea from me - it's my gift to you.
So now I get my grubby hands on the Cordless Click! Click! CLICK, I say! Sigh. There's that ever-popular/ever-idiotic exclamation point again in a product name. (remember my IROCK! review?) Make sure you scream "I WANT THE LOGITECH CORDLESS CLICK!!!! MOUSE, YOU PIMPLY-FACED, RED-SHIRTED HALF-WIT!" when you ask for one at CompUSA...Logitech wants it no other way.
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The top of the Cordless Click! mouse is colored silver, which seems to be a popular choice these days for mouse designers. I guess they figure it'll match any computer, from a Black Dell PC to those garish neon-green Alienware Rigs. The bottom half of the mouse is black: I can't complain about the colors, really. Silver and black are acceptable colors for computer hardware. Heck, anything's better that that off-white/beige/armpit stain color that the industry adopted for PCs way back when. Thankfully, it seems like those days are mostly done for. (the beige computer color, not your armpit stains, sorry.)
Installing the Cordless Click! Mouse was as easy as possible: Put the (included, hooray!) batteries into the bottom of the device, Turn off your PC, plug the mouse in, turn on your PC, install the software, and hit the "connect" button. It's so easy at least HALF of the computer users out there will have it up and running in minutes. The other half will run screaming back to the store explaining how they couldn't download their porn off of AOL last night because of the defective mouse they were sold, but hey, they're all idiots. Judging by the intelligent and inspiring threads I see running through ASELab's message boards, our readers will have no problem with the installation...as long as they forget to take it out OF THE BOX first.
Ok, now the actual "review part" of the review: in the end, how does it work? Well, for the most part, it works like most any other mouse of its type. It's optical, which, you probably know by now, means that these mice HAVE NO BALLS. Har har. NO BALLS. The mouse castrati, if you will. The optical tracking is smooth and accurate, as long as you don't have mouse pad with a gold foil 3D picture of Pokemon on it. The one crux for optical mice is that if the surface has a loud design of some sort on it, it can throw off the tracking and skip. I use a black mouse pad, so I had no issues. Basically, if you're going to buy an optical mouse, save yourselves the headaches and throw the "YU-GI-OH" mouse pad in the friggin' trash can first. Don't worry, you're friends will still think you're cool without it. Just let it go and get on with your life, such as it is.
Ok, so the optical works as fine as any I've tried. I'm comparing this to the various Microsoft optical mice I've owned, as well as my previous mouse, the Logitech I-Feel Optical mouse: the one that had pointless force feedback, remember? Speaking of pointless, let's take gander at the whole "cordless" element. Bottom line: if you don't have a problem reaching your PC with a wired mouse, STICK WITH THE WIRED. I suggest using cordless only when it's an absolute necessity. I have had no issue with fact that there was a wire sticking out of my previous mice, and the lack of one on this mouse does absolutely nothing for me. The cons of wireless mice outweigh the pros as far as I'm concerned. It's not worth the extra weight in the mouse due to the batteries needed to run it. It's noticeably heavier than a good wired mouse. Most people prefer a lighter mouse. Although all but the most limp-wristed nerds will have no problem moving the Cordless Click!, after a few hours it feels clunkier than it could be. Con #2: if the receiver gets knocked around on your desk or PC, forget it: all hell breaks loose, the sky rains down fire, and overall, the control goes right down the crapper. Even clicking on GIF photos of J-LO's ass becomes an exercise in futility, despite the advantage of it being such a large target. Yuk yuk. I kill me. I'm simply not willing to forgive this problem, as I have a cat who like to swat things that sit on top of my computer. I'd say I had to adjust the thing about ten times in the last month. Damn cat. I guess it's true that cats love mice, get it! Ha ha. And BALLS. Mouse BALLS. I love they way the word BALLS feels coming out my mouth. BALLS coming out of my mouth. Oh, wait...
<B>Conclusion</B>:
The bottom line, beloved readers, is this: Logitech is a kickass computer peripheral manufacturer, and their logo is almost like a seal of quality. They make great stuff, and, with few exceptions, they always have. Buying a Logitech product is almost always a safe buy, but when it comes to mice, do yourself a huge favor and TRY IT OUT AT THE STORE! CompUSA and Best Buy have those things out there for you for a reason. (Just make sure you sanitize them first. Computer nerds carry many communicable diseases... But of course you already knew that.) Stick to the GOOD mice, made by Logitech and Microsoft, and choose one that feels best in your hand. I doubt you'll come home unhappy if you do. Oh, and as I said, stick with the wired mice, it's just less of a hassle in the long run.
But keep your hands off of the MOUSE BALLS. Ha ha. Ok, I'm done now. Time to take my medication.
Thanks for reading, and thanks to Logitech for the mouse they donated for this review.
PS: BALLS BALLS BALLS.
[Editor's Note: RudeMoody's Laziness overwhelm
For the past month, I've been testing the "Cordless Click!" wireless optical mouse from industry mainstay Logitech. Yes, you read right: I've been testing a stinkin' MOUSE for about 5 whole weeks now. But, at last, I feel I'm ready to spill the news and tell you if this is a mouse worth checking out, or if it's a mouse that deserves to be fed to your pet python. (Get it? Computer nerds have weird pets. But of course, you already knew that.) You see, Aron, our Webmaster here at ASE, was under the assumption that I was actually just too LAZY to write the review in a timely manner. But, as you all know by now, my standards are much higher than his. For example: I wear silk designer boxer shorts, while he wears a paper sack with 2 holes cut in the bottom. I eat filet mignon, he eats the lard stuck to bottom of McDonald's dumpsters. I drive an actual CAR, he gets around in a shopping cart with the word CAR written on the side while making engine noises. You get the idea. I refuse to rush judgment on any of the computer products I review. Let's face it, I CARE. Yeah, that's it. I'm the reviewer who CARES. Aron cares too, but he never spent a whole month reviewing a mouse, did he? Hmmm?
Ok, so I'm full of crap. I WAS too lazy to write the review until tonight. But I HAVE really been using this mouse for a month, so it's probably for the better: I got a pretty clear picture as to what this mouse is all about in all that time. So strap yourself into that computer chair/fart catcher of yours, and prepare yourself for the most exciting computer product review since Aron reviewed those dopey case fans with lights on them. (Man, that was epic, wasn't it? Or did I make that up? I can't remember anymore. What was I supposed to be reviewing again? Pierogies or something? Mmm, Pierogies....)
<B>Stuff</B>:
<center>
</center>Ah yes, that's right. I'm reviewing the Cordless Click! Mouse from Logitech: a company I've had immense respect for since they first started out. I've bought many joysticks, gamepads, webcams, dildos, and mice with the Logitech name on em over the years, and I've never regretted my purchases. In a nutshell, Logitech doesn't make crap. Hey, that would be a great new slogan. "AT LOGITECH, WE DON'T MAKE CRAP!" Go ahead, Logitech, you can steal that idea from me - it's my gift to you.
So now I get my grubby hands on the Cordless Click! Click! CLICK, I say! Sigh. There's that ever-popular/ever-idiotic exclamation point again in a product name. (remember my IROCK! review?) Make sure you scream "I WANT THE LOGITECH CORDLESS CLICK!!!! MOUSE, YOU PIMPLY-FACED, RED-SHIRTED HALF-WIT!" when you ask for one at CompUSA...Logitech wants it no other way.
<center>
</center>The top of the Cordless Click! mouse is colored silver, which seems to be a popular choice these days for mouse designers. I guess they figure it'll match any computer, from a Black Dell PC to those garish neon-green Alienware Rigs. The bottom half of the mouse is black: I can't complain about the colors, really. Silver and black are acceptable colors for computer hardware. Heck, anything's better that that off-white/beige/armpit stain color that the industry adopted for PCs way back when. Thankfully, it seems like those days are mostly done for. (the beige computer color, not your armpit stains, sorry.)
Installing the Cordless Click! Mouse was as easy as possible: Put the (included, hooray!) batteries into the bottom of the device, Turn off your PC, plug the mouse in, turn on your PC, install the software, and hit the "connect" button. It's so easy at least HALF of the computer users out there will have it up and running in minutes. The other half will run screaming back to the store explaining how they couldn't download their porn off of AOL last night because of the defective mouse they were sold, but hey, they're all idiots. Judging by the intelligent and inspiring threads I see running through ASELab's message boards, our readers will have no problem with the installation...as long as they forget to take it out OF THE BOX first.
Ok, now the actual "review part" of the review: in the end, how does it work? Well, for the most part, it works like most any other mouse of its type. It's optical, which, you probably know by now, means that these mice HAVE NO BALLS. Har har. NO BALLS. The mouse castrati, if you will. The optical tracking is smooth and accurate, as long as you don't have mouse pad with a gold foil 3D picture of Pokemon on it. The one crux for optical mice is that if the surface has a loud design of some sort on it, it can throw off the tracking and skip. I use a black mouse pad, so I had no issues. Basically, if you're going to buy an optical mouse, save yourselves the headaches and throw the "YU-GI-OH" mouse pad in the friggin' trash can first. Don't worry, you're friends will still think you're cool without it. Just let it go and get on with your life, such as it is.
Ok, so the optical works as fine as any I've tried. I'm comparing this to the various Microsoft optical mice I've owned, as well as my previous mouse, the Logitech I-Feel Optical mouse: the one that had pointless force feedback, remember? Speaking of pointless, let's take gander at the whole "cordless" element. Bottom line: if you don't have a problem reaching your PC with a wired mouse, STICK WITH THE WIRED. I suggest using cordless only when it's an absolute necessity. I have had no issue with fact that there was a wire sticking out of my previous mice, and the lack of one on this mouse does absolutely nothing for me. The cons of wireless mice outweigh the pros as far as I'm concerned. It's not worth the extra weight in the mouse due to the batteries needed to run it. It's noticeably heavier than a good wired mouse. Most people prefer a lighter mouse. Although all but the most limp-wristed nerds will have no problem moving the Cordless Click!, after a few hours it feels clunkier than it could be. Con #2: if the receiver gets knocked around on your desk or PC, forget it: all hell breaks loose, the sky rains down fire, and overall, the control goes right down the crapper. Even clicking on GIF photos of J-LO's ass becomes an exercise in futility, despite the advantage of it being such a large target. Yuk yuk. I kill me. I'm simply not willing to forgive this problem, as I have a cat who like to swat things that sit on top of my computer. I'd say I had to adjust the thing about ten times in the last month. Damn cat. I guess it's true that cats love mice, get it! Ha ha. And BALLS. Mouse BALLS. I love they way the word BALLS feels coming out my mouth. BALLS coming out of my mouth. Oh, wait...
<B>Conclusion</B>:
The bottom line, beloved readers, is this: Logitech is a kickass computer peripheral manufacturer, and their logo is almost like a seal of quality. They make great stuff, and, with few exceptions, they always have. Buying a Logitech product is almost always a safe buy, but when it comes to mice, do yourself a huge favor and TRY IT OUT AT THE STORE! CompUSA and Best Buy have those things out there for you for a reason. (Just make sure you sanitize them first. Computer nerds carry many communicable diseases... But of course you already knew that.) Stick to the GOOD mice, made by Logitech and Microsoft, and choose one that feels best in your hand. I doubt you'll come home unhappy if you do. Oh, and as I said, stick with the wired mice, it's just less of a hassle in the long run.
But keep your hands off of the MOUSE BALLS. Ha ha. Ok, I'm done now. Time to take my medication.
Thanks for reading, and thanks to Logitech for the mouse they donated for this review.
PS: BALLS BALLS BALLS.
[Editor's Note: RudeMoody's Laziness overwhelm